Do we always have a choice? This is such a powerful statement! As I reflect on these words, the more I see how formidable we are and how great our human experience can be… If we choose it.
It may seem that we get dragged in different directions, this, however, is an illusion. We are free to respond to life’s circumstances by deciding which path to take. This frees us from victimhood, and it builds the foundation for emotional maturity. We tend to create a comfort zone where reactive behaviours are in control, with anger, blame, judgment, and people-pleasing dominating our life. Do you realise just how draining this is? However, the minute we start taking accountability for how we feel, think and behave, inner growth begins. The door to personal transformation is to take responsibility for our reactions, and in doing this, whatever is wounded within us, starts to heal.
Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone
Therefore, stepping out of our comfort zone is crucial. Otherwise, it fosters disempowerment and results in us losing stewardship over our responses to life. We can’t alter people, places or things, but we can transform our responses to what life throws our way. When we live true to what we value, we are no longer limited by our mind-sets or by a need to seek external validation. As a result, all the walls we build around ourselves, the masks we wear, start to fall away. We are finally ready to stand in front of our mirror and embrace who we are, with love and vulnerability.
Life will continually come up with challenging people and situations, inviting us to respond to these in the sanest way we can. It is our choice to see whatever happens to us – even if it is painful, unfair, and ugly – as an opportunity for growth, as a gift or not. So, what would you choose? Take a downward spiral and wallow in self-pity, or move upwards to evolve? It appears the polarity of life is to experience the opposite of what we desire, so as to appreciate its core. We may experience the lack of love to understand what real love is. We may live in an abusive relationship before we find self-worth. We face our shadows before we embrace our light. So, what do we do if we choose to evolve?
The Perceptions Of Beliefs…
For numerous people that I’ve assisted, and for myself, the answer is to “look into our values.” I use the “Iceberg Model Process” or “Seeing the Perfection Process” that has been developed by Lisa Doig, a pioneer in the field of values and consciousness. During a session, people can find and link their limiting behaviour to a belief they formed at a very young age. As children, we inevitably acquire limiting mind-sets around values, giving ideas to them, holding onto these as often-dysfunctional truths our entire life. What happens is that when we were little, our rational thinking brain was not fully developed, so whatever we experienced, we registered in our emotional brain as pain or pleasure. Most of the time, it was only a perception in the mind of a little child that doesn’t serve us anymore.
The Value Of Achievement
As a personal example, around the value of ACHIEVEMENT, I have attached the belief that “I need to achieve to be seen”. This idea helped me to reach high positions when I was working in the corporate world. But when I stopped working to be a full-time mum, this belief blocked me, telling me “I am not achieving so I am not seen. I am nobody”. Letting go of that belief was crucial. I understood that my self-worth is not attached to whether I am working or not, that I am enough to be ME. And this liberated and moved me to another level in my life. People don’t realise that by sticking to damaging beliefs we keep ourselves out of balance, alienating ourselves. This creates tension, keeping us trapped in reactive modes. We feel frustrated, unhappy, struggling to recognise the problem.
My experience as a Facilitator Through Values (FTV) helps me to observe my life, my behaviours, reflect and create positive shifts to live in harmony. It also allows me to assist others on their journey of personal growth and even on a bigger scale in organisations and leadership programs, where the personal transformation of employees and especially leaders can effectively transcend into improved corporate values and culture. To move into balance, we must put limiting beliefs under a spotlight to gain awareness and finally make that choice into a more empowering state of mind. Ultimately, we always have a choice.
On My Bookshelf
- The Metrics Of Human Consciousness (Richard Barrett)
- Evolutionary Coaching: A Values-Based Approach To Unleashing Human Potential (Richard Barrett)
- A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life Purpose (Eckhart Tolle)
- The Heart Of Love (Dr John Demartini)