I’d spent the majority of my life living within the confines of my culture. I was a rule player, a law abiding good girl, and a ‘sensible and respectable’ daughter who never dared to stray too far outside the box. It wasn’t until about six months ago when this began to change, because I’d met a person who thrilled me enough to want to step outside the barriers I’d built around me.
They’re right in saying that the people you’re meant to meet, the ones who truly matter, come out of no where and hit you like a truck. Just as he had, at 3AM in the midst of the night whilst the world slept and I wept. Nights like these were plagued with loneliness, and an overbearing sense of isolation that I couldn’t beat. I felt completely disconnected from my world and the people in it but that night as we spoke things changed. We’d built a safe zone together, one where we could share our deepest thoughts. It became a place where I could find nourishment, support and happiness – and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel alone. It was something beautiful, and natural and it felt like one of those rare cards the universe had dealt me. Every night, we’d revisit this world we’d created. A world, which was ours to keep and ours to visit and within it, we were given the freedom to explore. We explored each other’s minds, searching every crevice for new treasures that took the form of hopes, dreams and fears – we’d sift through the things we’d buried away and we revived them just as he revived me.
Unfortunately, it was also during those six months that I came to lose this person. And with that loss, came the reinstatement of the emptiness and pain I’d felt before him. The void that he had remedied was now gapping open and aching. As I write this, I write it from a place of hurt. I write this to better understand myself, and the grief that I feel. Whenever I used to recognize these emotions, I’d discard them or attempt to suppress them in fear that I was ‘romanticizing’ or over exaggerating my experience but only now do I realize the danger of doing that. I’m writing this, to clarify that feeling pain is an intrinsic part of what makes us human and in order to let it go, you first need to feel it. And to embrace it – you owe it to yourself to do that.
Written by Anonymous